Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
