Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
