you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
