Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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