fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
