how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
