I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
