I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
