Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
