addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
porn star boner night. come get it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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