his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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