My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
