how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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