if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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