Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
