i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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