PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
