Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
