I think I died a long time ago.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i think i just lost a toe
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
