I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
