I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
