I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
