I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
