That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
