hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
