dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
