I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
