I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
