I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
