I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
