Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
