Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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