He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
