note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
