all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
