I CAN MOONWALK!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
