dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
