I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
