Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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