God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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