Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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