Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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