She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
