he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
