i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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