The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
