he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
