He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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