Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
