i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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