grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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