at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
