Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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