i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
