That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
