I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
