I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I could make wine with my vomit
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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