I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
