I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
